MEANWHILE, JIM BAKER SEES PRISON ON THE HORIZON AND THE MASSES CHEER. MARY THINKS BACK TO THAT ONE NIGHT WHEN SHE,WELL,
YOU KNOW, SHE & JIM... WELL, SHE DIDN'T KNOW, I MEAN, HE DIDN'T EVEN TELL HER! I MEAN, I'M SURE HE LOOKED AT îLEASTï 19 AT THE
TIME. GUILT RIDDEN, SHE TAKES THE .44 MAGNUM HER BROTHER HAD FOUND AND FIRST POINTS IT AT JIM, THEN HERSELF, THEN JIM, THEN
THE GOLDFISH, BUT CHANGES HER MIND UPON THINKING ABOUT HER FUTURE, HER DESIRE TO BE A FORKLIFT DRIVER.
SHE WOULD GET A JOB AND SETTLE DOWN. BUT SHE STILL HAD TO KILL THEM. OTHERWISE, THE CONSEQUENCES, THE CONSEQUENCES...
"MISS YVONNE DID IT WITH 15 YEAR OLD BAKER" " MISS YVONNE: PRETTIEST LADY IN PUPPETLAND OR SLUT? ENQUIRING MINDS WANT TO
KNOW!" MRS. MIDDLE AMERICA DROPS THE PAPER WITH A GASP. SHE BELIEVES THAT BIGFOOT EXISTS AND THAT ALIENS BEAR HUMAN
CHILDREN AND THAT HUMANS BEAR ALIEN CHILDREN WITH GRAY HEADS AND BIG NOSES BUT SHE REFUSES TO BELIEVE THAT JIM BAKERS SECRET
IDENTITY IS " FRED GARVIN:MALE PROSTITUTE.
" all of a sudden mary has a flash back and pictures her mother telling her "not to
watch so much tv who knows how it will affect you when you get older?!"
TO HER DISMAY MARY J. WANNA REALIZES THAT YES, HER
MOTHER WAS RIGHT!! TV CONTRIBUTED MUCH TO HER DECAY AS A HUMAN BEING, BUT TONIGHT SHE SITS WAITING, STARING AT THE
COLORLESS BOX, HIDDEN AWAY IN THE CLOSET. FINALLY SHE TURNS IT ON AND SEE'S SOMETHING THE LIKES OF WHAT SHE HAS NEVER SEEN. A
FORKLIFT WITH MARITAL AIDS STUCK ALL OVER IT. HER EYES BULGED AS SHE MOUNTED THE MAGICAL LIFT. THIS WOULD BE THE BEST RIDE OF
HER LIFE! (EXCEPT FOR JIM BAKER, BUT WE ALLREADY COVERED THAT SO AS EMILY LATELLA WOULD SAY,"NEVERMIND!")
AT TEN PM,TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 21st, CHUCK ENTERED THE EZ MART AT THE END OF THE STREET AND MET MISS YVONNE, FORMERLY MARY
JUANA, FORMALLY MARY J. WANNA. SHE EXPLAINED HER SITUATION. HE DIDNT BELIEVE HER. SHE WOKE UP... LYING IN A COLD SWEAT SHE
PINCHED HERSELF TO MAKE SURE SHE WAS AWAKE. AT THIS POINT, HER ARM FELL OFF AND BLOOD STARTED TO SOAK THE SHEETS. SHE WATCHED
THE SPREADING RED STAIN WITH DETATCHED AMUSEMENT. SUDDENLY, AN OVER-POWERING SENSE OF DEJA-VU SLAMMED INTO HER LIKE A FRESHLY
PAINTED PETERBUILT. HAD SHE BEEN IN A SKIT LIKE THIS ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE? NO, THAT WAS DAN AKROYD PLAYING JULIA CHILD.
MAYBE SHE WAS THE BLACK NIGHT IN "THE HOLY GRAIL"? NO THAT WASNT IT EITHER. " IT'S BECAUSE OF ALL THE BLOOD I'VE LOST,THATS
IT" SHE THEN PASSED OUT, HER COTTON OUTFIT SOAKING UP THE BLOOD AROUND HER LIKE BOUNTY PAPER TOWELS.
BUT NOOOOOOO! SHE IS ISABO, FLYING THROUGH THE SKY, FREE, YET LONGING FOR THE ANIMAL BELOW. JEEZ, IS SHE FUCKIN'CRAZY OR
WHAT?!!! CRAZY OR NOT, SHE WAS GOING TO SEE DREAMS COME TRUE.AS SOON AS SHE WAS ALIVE AGAIN SHE WOULD GO DOWN TO FUCKING
KMART AND APPLY FOR A JOB IN THE GARDEN SHOPPE. SHE KNEW THAT A FORKLIFT WITH HER NAME ON IT WAS AWAITING HER. AND THE
POSSIBLITIES! IMAGINE, MOVING A CRATE LOAD OF OLIVE TREES TO THE FRONT, MOVING ZINIA'S TO THE BACK.. "THIS IS THE LIFE I
WANT" SHE SAID TO HERSELF. {NOT UNLIKE SNOOPY AND îIT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHTï, THE AUTHORS OF THIS WORK OF ART HAVE
HAD A BIT OF TROUBLE TYING ALL OF THIS TOGETHER. FORGIVE THEM. THEY ARE A SIMPLEX PEOPLE.] YET TYING THIS ALL TOGETHER
WOULD REQIURE ROPE OR SOME KIND OF FASTNER BOTH OF WHICH ARE DIFFICULT TO OBTAIN IN THIS SETTING. THERE IS THE POSSIBILITY OF
MAKING SOME HEMP ROPE, BUT THAT WOULD BE WAISTFUL. YET MARY J. WANNA UNDERSTANDS ALL THIS AND FEELS COMPLETE.
IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO THIS...FORKLIFTS=HAPPINESS=MISS YVONNE=HAPPINESS=JIM BAKER=HAPPINESS,ETC,ETC,ETC...THE MORAL OF
THIS STORY IS THAT IF YOU DRIVE A FORKLIFT THROUGH A MASSAGE PARLOR YOU MAY BE FORCED TO DRESS LIKE MISS YVONNE AND FUCK JIM
BAKER IN THE GARDEN SHOPPE OF K-MART. READERS BEWARE. CONTRIBUTED BY SUE EICH,AMY SAYSLYNN,KEV SCOTT; THEY WORK AT AMES.

**********************************OUT OF CONTEXT***********************************************************************
...I BELIEVE THAT MY SELFISHNESS IS JUSTIFIED. I FEEL AS THOUGH PEOPLE WHO DON'T RECOGNISE THEIR OWN SELFISHNESS ARE
DOOMED TO UNHAPPINESS. I WANDER THROUGH THE GRAINS. THE STALKS, THE TREES, OVER MOUNTAINS, DOWN TO SEAS. I AM ALONE, TRULY
ALONE AS I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN,AS I ALWAYS WILL BE. I AM A MAN. I HAVE POWERS AND FAULTINGS. I DO WHAT I CAN. I ACHIEVE GREATNESS
THROUGH THIS. PATHETICALLY HUMAN, GLORIOUSLY SAPIENT ROLLING AND STRETCHING THE LIMITS OF ME. FLAMBOUYANTLY SEXUALLY ATTACKING
THE SPACE I POUR OUT AS IF A STRATOSPHERIC INCANTATION OF ESSENCE IN A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO ROLL BACK MY EYELIDS TO SEE WHAT
I HAVE BECOME ONLY TO FIND IT HAS CHANGED THROUGH THE PROCESS AND INSIDE IS OUT AND OUTSIDE IS IN, HORSES AND RIDERS EXTRACT-
ING THE TOLLS THAT THEY WILL, LEAVING THE CHANGE THAT FALLS FROM THEIR PURSES ACCIDENTALLY OR NOT, HOT OR COLD THE CHEMICALS
REACT IN SUCH A WAY AS TO OFTEN GO UNOTICED EVEN BY THE MOST SCRUTINIZING OBSERVER. BUT ALWAYS THE REACTION HAS OCCURRED, THE
TUMBLERS HAVE TUMBLED, EVENTUALITIES ARE REALIZED ALWAYS, ALWAYS NO WHERE TO RUN... by DAVE FRIDMANN A BRAIN SURGEON

I RECIEVED THIS LETTER IN THE MAIL AND THREE DAYS LATER I PUKED UP A POTATOE WHOLE WITH THE WORDS "ELVIS" WRITTEN UPON THE
SKIN. DO NOT IGNORE THE MAGIC POWERS OF THE LETTER. THAT POTATOE REALLY HURT !!!

WITH LOVE ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE

This paper has been sent to you for good luck.The original is in New England.It has been around the world nine times!The
luck has now been sent to you.You will recieve good luck within four days providing you send it on.
This is no joke.you will recieve good luck in the mail.Send no money.Fate has no price.Do not keep this letter- it must
leave your hands within 96 hours.
An RAF officer recieved 470,000 pounds.John Elliot recieved $40,000 and lost it because he broke the chain.While in the
Philipines Gene Welch lost his wife 51 days after recieveing the letter- he had failed to circulate the letter.However before

 

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