A while back there was a TV
show called Thirty Something, where a bunch of aging losers moaned about
the good old days. Well, This Megazine has entered into itís Twenty Something
period, with this being the 20th issue to roll off the laser
printer, and highjacked copy machines of the business world. Isnít it
smart of us to use our stinky jobs to get free stuff that we donít want
to pay for like electricity, pencils, and stock options? If there is one
thing you learn as you get older, itís how to steal so you donít get caught.
Evidently, some other people never bothered to learn this important step
(Ken Lay & Martha Stewart).
snappy one liners to fill the pages of This Megazine. Remember, if you donít fill it, some of those nasty bastinados from overseas will sneak something in there to pollute the minds of young stallions everywhere. Last time that happened Disney had a rash of hits on its hands, and Phil Collins was a busy man making soundtracks out of turds. Now I hear that GameBoy is making video games with nudity and violence for children, because they donít get to see enough of it at home. The internet has really helped clean up our society so we can move on a grander roman empire apples. On second thought, I am reminded of a time when I found drug mice in my bathroom cabinet. These drug mice were eating everything in my medicine cabinet, from Doanís backache pills to Excedrin and allegory tablets. They were pretty messed. Say have you met my wife? She was a drug mice once, but Betty Ford cleaned her clock and now sheís a regular gal Friday, who doesnít stop when the vodka runs out. say, pass me some of that jelly roll, Morton, and lets talk about the weather fur a change. Happy reading, and please extinguish all marry Jew want to cigarettes before going to bed. Piece out.
ďThey made me write this against my willĒ waz
Once again, we have an amazing new assignment
The aliens have decided to visit you at your home. They have run tests and made a decision to replace your brain. Please describe with explicit detail your brains before and after this exchange. Add any important detail necessary to make us understand. Describe the aliens, the tests, yours and their surroundings, or none of it. Etc. Please hand in this assignment as soon as possible to avoid an incomplete in the class.
Alien brain matter
Iíve been in California Iíve noticed that the Aliens keep pretty much
to themselves.† Although, on occasions, the Aliens do come to my door.†
They ask me to give them 10 dollars for gas or to buy cartons cigarettes
that fell off a boat.† I donít think thatís much of a test.† If it was,
I canít say that I passed.† Concerning my brain replacement.† I canít
say that Iíve noticed much of a difference but I seem to like to eat more
raw fish than I used to.† Not that that is a bad thing. Or so Iím told.
I have a tough time remembering the whole thing The aliens are a blur. Quite literally, a blur. Whispy blue streams of color that float about effortlessly. They must French because of the attitude they had towards me and their machines plus their overall whispiness. The machines they used to replace my brain ( i know i have a new brain because of the warranty I was given) are not effortless. They act like an upside down milkshake-maker. After mixing it up, my old brain fell out like a Shamrock shake. I was implanted with pleasant memories of tasty green shakes. Mr Kroc would be proud of these boys. Back to the insertion of the new brain. It must be Intel because everytime time I say something clever I here that da-de-dum-dum crap. The new brains hums and runs a little hot, but if I drive with my head out the window it helps. I have to believe they replaced my brain becuase I blew the verbal portion of the test. Just like the ol' days.
Rolling Rock Fingernails
The Big Move To Space
By Noah Rankin 1st
|THIS Info||THIS Staffers|
PO Box 632, Fredonia, NY 14063
Andrea - Doer
Mary - Instigator
Dave - Piggy Bank
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