GOVERNMENT WARNING: (1) ACCORDING TO THE SURGEON GENERAL,WOMEN
SHOULD NOT DRINK ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES DURING PREGNANCY BECAUSE OF
THE RISK OF BIRTH DEFECTS. (2) CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES
IMPAIRS YOUR ABILITY TO DRIVE A CARDBOARD CONTAINER OR OPERATE
MACHINERY,AND MAY CAUSE HEALTH PROBLEMS. (3) VOMITING MAY OCCUR
IF YOU DRINK THE BEER IN YUPPIE COMMERCIALS. úOK LETS FACE IT WE
ALL WANT TO BE YUPPIES. WE ALL WANT TO BE ALL TO WAVE ALL THAT
MONEY IN OUR PARENTS FACES AND SAY " HA, I MADE MORE MONEY THIS
WEEK THAN YOU WERE EVER ABLE TO SAVE IN A JAR !" SO I'VE DECIDED
TO GET INTO MY CAR AND DRIVING DOWN
THE HIGHWAY I CRASH INTO A SOLID
BRICK WALL PUT THERE BY THE-
SANITATION ENGINEERS IN CAHOOTS
WITH THE AUTOMOBILE INSURANCE
COMPANIES. SO I PICKED UP THE
TWISTED MASS OF PLASTIC LEMONADE
TAINTED EUROSPORT OVERPRICED DIRTY
SMOKE BELCHING TURBO HAIRDRYER AND
CARRIED IT OVER TO PETER BRADY'S
QUICK FIX IT AUTO RAPE SHOP WHICH
WAS A BIG MISTAKE BECAUSE WHILE I
WAS READING THE LASTEST ISSUE OF
GIOIA MACARONI AND HOME REPAIR HE
DIDN'T HAVE THE RIGHT SIZE WINSHEILD
TO FIT IN MY CAR SO HE WOUND UP
GLUING THE ORIGINAL ONE BACK
TOGETHER PIECE BY PIECE WITH CLEAR
PEANUT BUTTER WHICH LOOKED FINE IN
THE DAYLIGHT BUT THEN THE NEXT WEEK
WHEN I TOOK THE FAMILY TO THE
AFRICAN JUNGLE, THE MONKEYS STARTED
LICKING THE WINDSHEILD AND THE
WHOLE CAR FELL APART IN THE MIDDLE
OF KENYA. MUCH TO MY DISMAY, MY
WIFE JUST SAT THERE SAYING " I TOLD
YOU TO USE THE CRUNCHY PEANUT
BUTTER" WHILE THE KIDS IN THE BACK
SEAT KEPT PLEADING WITH ME TO PLAY
THE LIONEL RICHIE CD.
JUST AS I WAS ABOUT TO GIVE IN
AND SING THE BUTTERCUP SONG, THE
GUY FROM THE 7-UP COMMERCIALS COMES
WALKING OUT FROM BEING A FAKE BUSH
CAMPAIGN POSTER AND SAYS TO ME " AY
MON TIS LUK HAS IT ISE MAYS BE ABUL
TO HALP YOUZ. FO 500 DOLLAHS ISE
WIL CAUL MY FREND PIERRE ZE ELEFANT
TO COM AN RESKU YOUZ." WELL IT MUST
BE MY LUCKY DAY I THOUGHT AS I
PULLED OUT MY AMERICAN EXPRESS,
DINERS CLUB, DISCOVER CARD, AFRICAN
EXPRESS, VIDEOS OF KENYA CARD, HELP
WHEN YOU NEED IT CARD, MASTERBATE
CARD, FART CARD, I HAVE A HEADACHE
CARD, I OWE YOU ONE NIGHT OF PURE
JELLO WRESTLING CARD, VISA CARD,
LEANING TOWER OF PIZA CARD, SEARS,
JCPENNIES, AND AN OLD UNUSED CONDOM
FROM 1954, EVERTHING I HAD IN MY
WALLET, AND MR.UNCOLA HIMSELF JUST
STOOD THERE AND SHOOK HIS HEAD
SAYING " PIERRE AND MI,, WE LIKE
CASH !!!" SO THIS IS THE TERRIBLE
ENDING TO THE YUPPIE FAMILY, THE
FAMILY WHO REFUSED TO CARRY CASH ON
ANY OF THEIR VENTURES OUTSIDE OF
THEIR PLASTIC YUPPIE HOUSE, AND NOW
THEY'RE DEAD BUT ALL THE NEIGHBORS
THINK THEY ARE ON A REALLY LONG
VACATION TRIP, BECAUSE CHEMLAWN
COMES BY ONCE A WEEK EVEN IN THE
WINTER.
SO ALL THE NEIGHBORS SIT
AROUND IN THEIR CARDBOARD BOXES AND
PLAN NEXT YEARS VACATION HOW ITS
GONNA BE SO GREAT AND WE'LL GO TO
NIAGARA FALLSù,TORONTOú,EPCOT CENTER,-
DISNEYWORM, NEW ORLEANS, OLD
ORLEANS,AND GET REALLY NEAT HOTEL
ROOMS WITH GLASS SHOWER CURTAINS,-
ROOM SERVICE,ICE MACHINES AND THAT
GUY WHO WALKS AROUND FROM NIGHTCOURT
SAYING "YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE TO
HOLIDAY INN ".WE'LL HAVE NEET
ALARMS HOOKED UP ON THE TOILET
SEATS SO IF YOU FART APART THE
WHOLE HOTEL WILL KNOW ABOUT IT BY A
FLASHING MUSHROOM CLOUD OUTSIDE
YOUR ROOM DOOR, WHICH REMINDS ME TO
GET SOME AIRWICK ROOM FRESHENERS
BEFORE I PACK THE CAR.

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