We have had a long winter ...
and summer ... and finally we
have stopped hibernating long
enough to give you more junk to
swallow. Please be patient,
there was a skunk in the files.

Thank you. Now for the farts ...


I woke up this morning and slid out of bed, perked up the pot
cause my head felt like lead. Poured out something that looked
like lava, then started to sip my morning Java.

And what to my weary eyes should appear, but a long stringy
thing, it looked like a hair. When pulling it out in the light of the
day, I could not believe it that long hair was gray.

I kept turning it over thinking this can't be right, you can't grow a
gray hair overnight. But oh I was wrong, as I looked in the mirror,
my ex-brunette head gave me quite a scare.

Not one hair, not two, not three or four, but my whole head was
gray and I looked eighty-four. Too freaked to go out I went back t
o bed, and dreamed of old days with my ex-brunette head.

When later I awoke no Java could be seen, there was not even a
scent of one coffee bean. There was no cup with a long gray hair,
and the mirror on the wall did not frighten or scare.

Finally I realized it was a dream, an illusion created by my mind, it
would seem. I took this seriously because dreams can be,
a reflection of problems we don't consciously see.

I pulled my old psych. books off the shelf, and read through them
all to try and get help. But nothing I read gave a hint or a gleam
of how to interpret this subconscious dream.

I called my mother to see if she could, remember bad times from
my childhood. She said as a kid I was a bit strange, but nothing
had happened to make me deranged.

So I thought long and hard, finally figured it out. It was so simple
I had not a doubt. My subconscious mind was trying to scream,
"Hey, you're drinking too much caffeine."

Now that I understand my silly dream, I'll toss the perker,
the filters, the beans. I will not be a slave to the drug that keeps me
from sleeping and makes my eyes bug.

My mind was right and now its time, to change my life and feel
fine. So from this day forward I've made a decree, when I wake
in the morning I'll drink herbal tea.